wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
