I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
