do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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