he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
