Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
