He is an equal opportunity slut.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
