Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
