I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
