Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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