I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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