i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
