im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
