Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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