why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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