he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
