apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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