You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like eating out sand paper
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
