would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
