so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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