Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
