Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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