we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
