I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
