Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
