holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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