The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
