I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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