Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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