Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
