my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
