Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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