fuck your aforementioned shoe
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
