so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
