the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
