i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
