he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
