It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just blew my weed a kiss
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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