I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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