So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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