He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
