hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
