why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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