so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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