i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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