I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
