just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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