So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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