i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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