You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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