Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
