The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
