just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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