When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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