Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
