I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
