we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
