he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
